Overstatement of the century albeit, but is there anything more agonising than a break up?
I ate entire ‘share’ bags of crisps, forgot when I last showered, Netflix became my lover and PJs my everyday wear. But you know what, it soon passes. Just remember to be gentle to yourself. After a month of Rom-Coms, I just couldn’t bare the sight of ‘true love’ anymore. Eventually, something hit me, and I got bored of being bored and wallowing day in day out. Take the time you need. DON’T DRUNK CALL. Don’t be harsh on yourself.
It doesn’t matter how old you are, whether you were together for 3 years or just a couple of weeks- GRIEVE. What upset me the most was thinking about this Other Life I could have had, I was heading there- a villa in Italy complete with vineyards, growing old with the man I adored- and every time I forgot for a few seconds that we’d broken up, the crushing reality would slap me in the face. HE. WILL. HAVE. THAT. LIFE. WITH. SOMEONE. ELSE. Someone who isn’t me. Some slut. Well, not a slut, but yeah.
But realistically, were we even headed there? This happy life.. complete with curly-haired, olive-skinned bilingual kids, traveling around the world. Face it, some things are just in your head.
3 months on it still freaks me out that he isn’t my partner but I don’t cry over the lost future anymore. I’m just incredibly lucky that he’s been a complete gentleman and friend during the whole thing. Who better to help you through your breakup, who understands how you feel more than them?! In the past I wasn’t this fortunate, and my ex was a complete monstrous arsehole. He’d call me up at 4AM and say he still loves me, I’d be thrilled, he’d come over, he’d use me like an old gym sock and I’d wake up the next day to an empty bed.
Don’t let ANYONE treat you like that. It is MANIPULATIVE. You are sore and hurting, and have every right to be. You can’t rush the healing process. Just know that one day, someday, you’ll realise you hurt a little less, that the break-up happened for valid reasons, and that it was inevitable, sad, but absolutely VITAL to your growth and well-being.
*One last thing, I know you feel like you’re never going to find love again, or someone as lovely as them, but I’m starting to realise that it’s like statistically improbable. Thinking back to when I was 18 and how I thought that was it for me, til I met someone else, and when that ended, and I went to Italy, and I fell in love, and then that ended.. why shouldn’t I fall in love again? Why shouldn’t there be someone as lovely, or lovelier even? Try to think of it in biological terms: your brain is trying to come up with reasons why you shouldn’t break up, because it wants you to make lots of babies and continue the human race, and finding a new mate who you like and likes you is such a palaver it’s far easier to go back to an ex… so it whispers things like: but he’s so dreamy! or, noone will love you like he does…. Well tell that voice to back the f up and remember you are FEARLESS. INSPIRED. WONDERFUL.
What have you learnt from a break-up? Was it for the best in the end? Isn’t it different with a Long Distance Relationship? What happens if you’ve moved abroad to be with them and it all falls apart? How do you come out of it alive? Please tell me your stories!